Musician Jokes

Whatever doesn't fit anywhere else.

Musician Jokes

Postby giggleycraft » Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:55 am

What's the difference between a Musician and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of 4.





Little Willie says to Mommy: "I want to be a musician when I grow up"

Mommy replies: "Well, Willie, you can't do both, you know!"
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Postby macrae11 » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:17 am

Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car................
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it took him 4 hours to get the drummer out.
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Postby Mathieu Benoit » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:34 am

What's the best method of birth control amongst drummers?

Their personality... I mean it's hard to knock anyone up if you can't get laid.
"Volume automation takes time. You don't got that kinda time. You could be getting naked with somebody somewhere." -Slipperman

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Postby LarryS » Fri Mar 05, 2010 3:16 pm

What do you call a guitar player who does not have a girl friend?
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HOMELESS
Is it just me?
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Postby giggleycraft » Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:09 am

How can you tell a stage is level?

Drool is coming out both sides of the drummer's mouth.



What's the range of a viola?

About 50 feet if you've got a good arm.
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Postby Greg H. » Fri May 21, 2010 9:36 pm

One night at Club Chintz, the mindreader closes her set by reading the mind of the each of the musicians in the band.

First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist:
"Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! I bet they're all here to see me. Good crowd!"

Then the drummer:
"Look at that crowd! With this many people in the house, we're going to make good money tonight!"

Then the Keyboard player:
"Yeesh, look at that crowd. None of them will ever truly appreciate all of my talent. What a bunch of losers."

Finally, the Bass player:
"E E E E E E E E A A A A A A A A E E E E E E E E..."
Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War.
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Postby Jef » Tue May 25, 2010 9:32 am

What's the difference between a drum solo and sneakers in the dryer?
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I don't know either.....
"I did what any good producer would do. I rolled a fatty." - Mixerman -
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Postby roachie » Tue May 25, 2010 5:57 pm

How do you get a guitar player to stop noodling?
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Sheet music
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Postby dylanger » Thu May 27, 2010 4:21 pm

How do you make two drummers play together in time
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Shoot one.......
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Postby Christian LeBlanc » Thu May 27, 2010 4:54 pm

What do you call a live show that's the end result of countless hours of electronic programming, composing, quantizing and hard work?

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Karaoke.
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Postby roachie » Thu May 27, 2010 7:37 pm

How many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb...

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One... They hold it still and the world revolves around them.
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Postby Malcolm Boyce » Thu May 27, 2010 9:05 pm

What do you do with a drummer who breaks one stick?

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Put him up front and let him conduct.
"Once again, it is NEVER the gear that makes a good record.
It just fills Forum pages..." --compasspnt

middleaudio.com
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Postby Jef » Thu May 27, 2010 11:39 pm

What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?
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A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money.
"I did what any good producer would do. I rolled a fatty." - Mixerman -
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Postby Greg H. » Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:40 pm

So a seal walks into a club...

Not really a musicians joke, it just made me laugh
Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War.
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Postby Mathieu Benoit » Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:09 am

Producer: "Um ..... let's try another pass. There were some pitch problems."

Singer: "There were? Where?"

Producer: "uhh .... the parts where your mouth moved."
"Volume automation takes time. You don't got that kinda time. You could be getting naked with somebody somewhere." -Slipperman

Mathieu Benoit - Fluid Productions
www.fluidaudiogroup.com
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Postby Greg H. » Sun Oct 10, 2010 12:50 am

A couple was having marital difficulties and consulted a marriage counselor. After meeting with them, the counselor told them that their problems could all be traced to a lack of communication. "You two need to talk," he said. "So, I recommend that you go to a jazz club. Just wait until it's time for the bass player to solo. Then you'll be talking just like everyone else."
Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War.
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