It Ain't Rocket Surgery

Whatever doesn't fit anywhere else.

It Ain't Rocket Surgery

Postby Mathieu Benoit » Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:49 pm

I apologize for my absence from Middle Audio as of late. I've been at PSW absorbing as much as my brain will take in. I've started to get to know who's who quite a bit, looking up their personal websites and such.

They (like any of us) are all quite the characters. I hung out in Fletcher's forum quite a bit more than anywhere else though, mostly to hear his take on things. He has an wicked view point, and it's funny.

While I was doing this I realized that if ever I get to take an internship at Mercenary Audio's "Meth Lab" that I'd quit my current day job to do so. Just because he's a bit of a prick, and I'd gain as much knowledge there as I would anywhere else, and get paid crabs for it. Besides I'd be honoured to be told by Fletcher that I'm a complete fucking moron in person. At least then I have my starting point...

So here's what I've learned from Fletcher so far:


“It always has been and always will be about the music!! The presentation of that music is only part of the program when the music will benefit from a more audiophile presentation... in other words, ain't no motherfucker ever walked down the street humming the mic pre.”


“C'mon old man... that's how records are made!! Didn't you get the memo? Nothing between 250-300 Hz and absolutely no dynamic range... if you were one of those $5k/song guys you can whack out 3-4 songs a day if you get rid of the lower mids and compress the snot out of everything... plus it'll be louder on the radio and the label weasels [are there any left over 26?] will love you!!!”

“An assisting staff is absolutely key to any facility!! We always have two... one coming up, and one on the way out... that way the one on the way out trains the one on the way up how to do all the shit work and avoid my wrath [saves me a ton of time!!].
They clean, they make coffee... they fetch whatever the client may want, they keep the fridge stocked, the floor swept, the bathroom tidy and the garbage empty. They also walk in like morons and walk out as an assistant any facility in the world will be proud to add to their staff.
I think it's a fair trade... so far all but one of the "assistants" have agreed.”

“However... there are a whole lot of people out there with some moderately expensive gear who are calling themselves mastering engineers who shouldn't be... and they're the ones who need to catch a profound and severe beating...”

"Yeah baby... it's a brave new world and I'm happy as a motherfucker to be selling nuclear weapons to 3rd world nations so I can help supply the problem instead of helping to affect the solution.
Damn I love the music business!!!”

“I remember when it was written in Billboard that the sale of cassettes surpassed the sale of LP's on the Police's "Syncronicity" album... we thought it was a sign of the apocalypse... apparently, we were right.”

“I worked with a guitar player once who couldn't work when he wasn't stoned... needless to say he was very much the exception to the rule!!”

“Michael Jackson allegedly recorded "Thriller" through an SM-7... and that album seemed to do pretty well... though on a dumbass tangent... if you refuse to pay attention to his current legal condition... would that be considered a "boycott"?”

“You can always buy more gear... buying "more" or "better" acoustic environments is at best a bitch, and in reality pretty close to sucking your own dick in terms of reality [not going to happen].”

“Go over this list quickly and you can get the answer to that question... have you hit/hurt one of my kids? have you fucked with my family (pissed off the wife kinda stuff)? have you fucked with my friends? have you done something less than honorable for which you will take no responsibility and has caused damage to someone I respect? did you fuck with my bike?
If the answer to all of those questions is "no"... then we're cool... if the answer to any of one of those questions is "yes", then we should sit down and talk about it... if you can answer "yes" to more than one... be afraid.”

“We all have Les Paul to blame... if that asshole hadn't fucked around with this multi-track bullshit then you would have had artists that could actually play/perform going directly to one or two tracks of a recorder and that would be that.
Woulda kept all the "I can't really sing or play but you can manufacture a rekid out this can'tcha" bullshit in check.
Of course the argument could be made that if Les didn't do it some other butt reaming asshole would have come along with the idea... probably some film douchebag.”

“While the inventors of the L2 should be taken behind the building and shot... much like the makers of handguns, they just built the weapon.
Anyone actually employing an L2 should be drawn and quartered at dawn... without a cigarette, without a blindfold. Evil fucking box. Evil. Evil. Evil. Anyone using that piece of monkey shit is indeed the spawn of Satan and must be irradicated.
Start with Marcusson.”

“The only difference between Heroin and the L2 is that Heroin has done less damage to music than the L2... when you're playing with dope, you have to be pretty damn careful... and if the L2 isn't for dopes then I don't know what it's for.”

“In all honesty, I didn't think Tommy Lee played on "Girls, Girls, Girls" at all. There's this brilliant Andy Johns quote I heard at AES last week that goes something like: "You're going to make a brilliant record, you're just not going to be on it"... which I figured was the case in most "Tommy Lee-esque" type scenarios.”

“In our joint... we assume they know nothing when they walk through the door. First thing they're taught is how to wipe their ass. They can spend a good portion of their "orientation" day coiling cables. There is a rather specific way I like them coiled and tied... that's the first thing they master... then they master making mic cables and general soldering skills. If I want a ___ to ____ cable made up during a session and it takes more than 10 minutes for that cable to be brought to me, I get pissed off... they're trained to "assist", mostly to assist in me not getting pissed off.”
"Volume automation takes time. You don't got that kinda time. You could be getting naked with somebody somewhere." -Slipperman

Mathieu Benoit - Fluid Productions
www.fluidaudiogroup.com
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Postby macrae11 » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:47 pm

Yeah Fletcher's quite the cat. I've wondered how much of his persona is real and how much is bravado for all the web pundits.
Either way, he's certainly got a way with words.
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Postby Mathieu Benoit » Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:55 pm

I've actually spoken to him on the phone, he's quite the character on the phone as well... Something about not being allowed near computers in the shop since he had shot at the last one. :-?

We should go on a field trip with Al and got for a visit! I'd love to go see the "shop". We could do a vocal mic shootout!
"Volume automation takes time. You don't got that kinda time. You could be getting naked with somebody somewhere." -Slipperman

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Postby Malcolm Boyce » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:09 am

He certainly has his audience, and I find some of it a laugh to read, but I really don't buy into a lot of his game.

As far as the REP forums, "Whatever Works" is where I prefer to hang.
"Once again, it is NEVER the gear that makes a good record.
It just fills Forum pages..." --compasspnt

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